Me And Him Moments

Track list:
Andrew Wasylyk - Unsurfacing [Athens Of The North]
Jon Hopkins - Abandon Window [Domino]
Otis Sandsjö - YUNG [We Jazz]
Peter Bark - sega genesis [Drift Label]
Jef Gilson - 1973 [Jazzman]
Kompozyt - Homesick [Trees Will Remain Recordings]
Late Era - Bakersfield [Drift Label]
Ross McHenry Trio - I Can Be Better (For Myuran Sukumaran) [First Word]
Gil Scott-Heron - Running [XL Recordings]
Isaiah Owens - I'll Fly Away [CaseQuarter]
Rest You Sleeping Giant - Absent Minded [self-released]
Otis Redding - Pain In My Heart [Rhino]
K15 - You’re Alive (There’s Still Time) [WotNot]
ELWD - etherealend [Bad Taste]

I've been wanting to put together a mix of words and music in tribute to my father since around this time last year, but I knew it wouldn't happen then.  The feelings were too raw and not enough time has passed.  The "new normal" never feels normal enough, but as long as GOD keeps waking me up in the morning, I'll work through it.

The previous blog post was used as a springboard to formulate my thoughts and finally sit down in front of the microphone and hit record.  The music is primarily selected works from releases that got me through that first year of his physical absence.  Pieces like "Abandon Window" by Jon Hopkins have been with me for a few years.  That one has served as a sonic antiseptic for me many times, a selection that washes away the mental detritus of everyday living and online distractions.  It's also a piece that I associate with extreme sadness, one that the jukebox in my head recalls whenever depression sets in.  It's the song that first came to mind in those painfully silent moments after my father's spirit had left his body.  The Andrew Wasylyk composition closes out an album that was released just last month, but "Unsurfacing" puts me right back in that room at the nursing home during Dad's final moments.  Every note of that piece conveys exactly what I was feeling at that time.  "YUNG" by Otis Sandsjö may be the piece that introduced me to the We Jazz label and the fertile jazz scene in Helsinki, Finland.  It's swirling, experimental, and has this off-kilter bop to it due to slivers of hip-hop's swagger woven into the fibers of this work, but years of struggle have eaten away at its confidence, so the strut is more of a stumble.  It's become more hypnotic the more I listen to it and certainly captures my ever changing emotional state and questions about my own identity that I had for those first six months after Dad's death.  The same can be said for "I Can Be Better" by the Ross McHenry Trio, which builds from tender to fierce and cools down again towards its conclusion.  I find it heartbreaking at times, but mainly it's a song for my more contemplative moments, particularly as it pertains to the similarities and differences between my father and I.

Jef Gilson's "1973" was a last minute choice that made sense to include.  It's another one of those jazz cuts that I always reach for and in the context of this presentation, it brings to mind my younger years with my Dad, going to all the places I shouldn't have gone with him and creating some unforgettable memories along the way.  I credit Kompozyt for creating an album that got me through those first few months after losing Dad.  I listened to it constantly.  A brother duo originally from Poland and based in London, their album Synchronicity is a blend of floating ambient soundscapes, earth-shaking dub, and jazz improvisations.  "Homesick" represents for this album as an aural example of the fog I was in most days.  My dad wasn't a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, but the idiosyncratic gospel stylings of Isaiah Owens feels like this halfway point between my spirit and his spirit.  What Brother Isaiah does with "I'll Fly Away" is altogether captivating and unconventional, a fitting eulogy for an irreverent man.  Gil Scott-Heron and Otis Redding had to be included.  When Father Gil speaks, I hear my father sometimes.  He had a similar matter-of-fact outlook on the world and was definitely one of those "I said what I said" types.  Otis Redding was my dad's favorite singer, so that one was a no brainer.

The songs that appear as background music are important as well.  I've found that I need ambient works around me all the time now and I've been getting into releases from the Drift Label, a sister imprint of Inner Ocean Records.  Peter Bark and Late Era are both on Drift and I've been playing their releases almost every morning before walking into work.  Ditto for Rest You Sleeping Giant, an artist that I came across on the Free Music Archive.  His drones are arranged in such a way that I'm always taken somewhere else whenever I listen.  K15 and ELWD serve as important closing cuts for me and hopefully their messages resonate with you in some way.

Whoever you are, thank you for taking the time to read this and to listen.  It truly means a lot.